Well, in my last post I mentioned the line. I thought seriously that I was going crazy. Well, it turns out I was not! There was a line there. I went to my RE's office that day and they also got a light positive on their test. They sent me for the blood work. I had to wait forever to get my results but I was pretty much on cloud nine as you can imagine. I thought that is was it for us. It turns out though that the blood test was negative. The thing is that the pregnancy hormone HCG begins in the blood system and then goes to the urine when the blood flows through the kidneys, so basically it enters through the blood system and exists through the urine. When this situation happens the doctors refer to it as a chemical pregnancy which is basically an early miscarriage. The egg was fertilized but for whatever reason it could not be implanted into the uterus. There are a lot of reasons why it happens: low progesterone, genetic problems, a misshaped uterus, and more. I had my progesterone tested before and it was low so I am beginning to wonder if it wasn't for that. Also, I have had similar experiences but wasn't doing treatments - af would just be late and then all of a sudden I would have a terrible period like I am having now, so I am also wondering if this isn't the first time.
I was really upset after they told me because for some reason I felt like it is my fault. I know that it isn't, but I kept thinking well maybe if I didn't carry suck a heavy bag, if I rested more, if I didn't stress myself so much... I had class that night too and then when dh got home all he could talk about was what he had researched on it. I know that he was trying to be sweet and be informed but at that point I just didn't want to talk about it. He just kept going on and on... surrogate this and adoption that and genetics this and miscarriage that... needless to say I went to bed early. Well the next morning I woke up with spotting and then the next thing it was like some opened the water faucet. This has been the one of the worst for me ever. I remember only 2 others this bad. I had to resort to some prescription pain meds that I had stored away just so that I could function like a normal human being, because without it I couldn't sit or stand the pain was so excruciating.
Since I have af I need to get hold of my RE so that I can set up an appointment for an U/S and call in the order for my meds. so that we can get started on treatments again this cycle but for some reason I haven't been able to get hold of them yet. I guess that I am going to have to try again in the morning. If I can't get hold of them in the morning I guess that I might have to sit this cycle out because it will be too late to start. I have also been trying to get hold of the accupuncture lady but we have been playing phone tag. I really cannot wait to get started with her. I hope that this will help me 1. get in better shape 2. improve my health and most importantly 3. get me pregnant!
Other than that today is a little better but today was my grandma's birthday. I really miss her this week especially. It seems that everything is reminding me of her. Her birthday was exactly one week before mine so her and I would always do something extra special to celebrate our birthdays together each year. She died 2 and a half months ago but it still just doesn't seem real. I have a hard time believing that she is gone. Today she would have been 85! You would never have been able to tell that she was that old though. She was always up and doing stuff, cleaning, playing the piano, cooking for my uncle and cousins. I hope that if I get to live that long that I am still able to do what she could. I feel like I should celebrate her birthday somehow but I just don't know how. If I were at home I would take flowers to her grave but now I live 2000 miles away. Maybe I will bake a cake or write a letter... I just don't know.
Well, I need to get ready. A friend of ours (actually my dh's professor) is going to look at a house they might buy and they want us to go along and see it. I am still in my pajamas and haven't even brushed my hair today! (Can you tell it is spring break and I have not commitments at all?) lol
Here's to a better week next week!
(The pictures are of me and my grandma when I was 4 and the other picture was in August of my grandma, dad and dh.)
1 comment:
kendra - i'm sorry about your grandma and that you had a chemical - too much at once!! but not your fault!
and i wish i lived in my old house in kern place so i could come over and look at lines with you or go to doctor's appointments with you! or just hang out with you!!
xoxoxox
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